you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
