Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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