does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He has the fingertips of a God
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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