Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
