How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
