I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize