I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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