Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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