we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
