We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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