Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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