I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
this hospital has no fireball
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
