i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
