Your face is a jimmy john
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
