If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
