she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
