god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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