Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
