Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
