were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
