all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
