do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
