I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
