so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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