T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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