Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize