I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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