I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
