She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
