So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
