What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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