your parents love me but you hate me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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