you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
