In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
