the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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