You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
