so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the day after is always just damage control
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize