So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
