They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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