after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I just sharted jello shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
