As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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