Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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