I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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