Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
