She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm like, not good at living.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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