Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize