Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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