I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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