so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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