Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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