well I can't set my house on fire every night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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