If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Success! We fucked roommates!
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