plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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