I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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