I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
