girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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