I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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