we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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