I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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