You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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