what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
