apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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