Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
