Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize