I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
