I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
