I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
