bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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