it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
