It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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