Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
